As I Am

Who Am I?

"Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That's a picture of a person I don't know."

-A chorus line-

As I looked at my graduation picture I thought; "That's a picture of a person I don't know."

Those word leaped to mind as I flipped through the pages of my Year Book this past week. It's been thirty plus years since I graduated from Orem High, even though I still feel like I am a teenager, (love to listen to alternative music i.e. Green Day and Dashboard Confidential), I realize I am not the same person I was in High School, I much more liberal in my ideas, sadly not as optimistic as I was then, but yet I still try to live for the moment, I am still shy in a crowd, I have but few friends, I still make people laugh to reflect my dyslexia. I think most of all even though I thought I knew who I was, I was hiding in plain sight, afraid that people would find out the really me.


The past thirty years have been filled with adventures, tragedy, love, sadness. One consent has been my family. I know I am the mysterious Dad and Uncle Rue, who swoops in for a week and then is gone. I try to keep up with everyone, but hearing the news is not like watching or making the news.

So I may not know the person in that picture any more, but I recognize who he is, how much he has grown and I really like and love the person he has become. I recognize him in the mirror everyday.

I am free to be who I am, and what I will be, most of all because I love myself I am free to love others more fully

How to measure a life.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife,
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, a year in life?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried,
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

How about love? Measure in love, seasons of love.

It's time now, to sing out, though the story never ends,
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.

Oh, you got to, you got to remember the love,You know that life is a gift from above,
Share love, give love, spread love.
Measure, measure your life in love.

The musical Rent as held a hold over me ever since I first heard those lyrics long ago. When I finally saw it on Broadway and fully felt the story of life it told, I realized it was the story of my life. In fact I almost commenced by remarks at my Mom's funeral with those words.

One lyric seemed to sum up how I have always tried to my life, one day at a time. "Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today." It is my belief that if one lives each day to it's fullest, with hope, with love, being true to oneself, then the past will be with out regrets, and the future will be bright.

One can look back and say 'will I should have done this or I should have made this decision.' However ask yourself; With all the knowledge and wisdom I had at the time did I make the best choice? If you did, then there should be no regrets, no living in the past. Move on, learn, grow. Because there is no day but today.

We all want to 'write one song' that we will be remembered by. I again look at the lyrics of seasons of love, I believe it is our love that will be remembered. I want to be remembered as a Teacher who cared for his students, a Father, Brother, Uncle, a Husband who loved with out judgments.

As 2009 comes to an end and a new decade is about to begin, I look back and I see love...over the past year, thanks to the 21st Century technology, I have been able to be apart of my family, even though they are miles away from me. I see my Nephews and Nieces and their families, I may not post a comment on post or a picture, but I see them grow, hear the news.

With Brittanny getting married, my heart was again opened to love a son I do not know, yet there in the still quite moment, looking at picture of Kyle with Britt, I knew he was the one.

The end of 2009, also makes me look back not only on the past year, but over the past fifty years. I have no regrets, I do wish I made better choices, was stronger in my faith in me. I own those dissensions. They have made me who I am.

So as I look forward to the second half of my life and the few years I have left, I once again choose to live for today, it's time now, to sing out, though the story never ends. I live for today that my one song will be written, that when they think of me, when I am gone, it will be of love.

Remembering

There are anniversaries which seem to be milestones, five years, ten years, always it seems in the multiples of five. Today is one of those...can it be ten years since the passing of my Mom? Even more hard to believe this past Monday, the 16th, twenty-six years of Dad's death. It will be safe to say that a day does not pass that I do not think about them, on those days I feel most a lone or of great happiness, my thoughts turn to them and I think about all the times we shared together.

Much has happened in the past ten years, their family has grown. Each time I see a photo of the newest great grandchild I think how much Mom would enjoy them, talk to them in her own special way she would always talk to newborns, how they would feel of her love.

In the musical Rent, one number asks how do you measure a life of a person, the answer how they loved. I know my parents were not perfect, yet I know that their love for me and my brothers is true. If there is one thing I would want to pass on to future generations is that they loved their family each daughter-in-law, each grandchild found a place in their hearts.

Mom, was a unique woman, in fact looking over her life she was, for a lack of a better word, a rebel. At a time when the Mothers were to stay at home and the wife was to be under the husband, and long before the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies, Mom was already being an independent woman. Working outside the home, a leader in the community. There was nothing Mom could not do, once she set her mind to it. Be it a first rate Nurse with little training to being a savvy business woman without an MBA. Her abilities and and talents were limitless, from cooking to sewing to crafts and painting, singing and acting.

I always saw my Dad and Mom as equals, each used there own strengths to build a home, Dad the provider and peacemaker, Mom keeping order of the household, financially as well as the day to day activities. Mom was a 'go getter', Dad was easy going. While Mom personality could over shadow Dad's, from time to time, she would let me know that Dad was the Priesthood holder of the home, even though she could get Dad on board with any thing she deemed the family should do, even when Dad was not 100% with it.

When Dad disapproved what we we did, he would make a comment, like I don't understand you kids, why you can't do it right. Mom on the other hand would 'preach' to us pointing out the reasons for not behaving like we did then would end "We taught you better than that"! Making me to take responsible for my actions.

Like most couples they had their ups and downs, however I knew Dad always loved my Mom, and she him. In those final years, Mom's simple touch to his hand would stop Dad's trembling.
Dad wrote of Mom: "The appreciation I have for her is above words can say. Her talents are more numerous than one could count. Her faith in prayers is her deciding factor, here on earth. She can heal the most painful wound, her knowledge of advice is tremendous, and in time of discouragement, she can erase it from one's mind. I know because I have been there. In speaking of my wife Glen Dora, I never speak of her by her given name, I address her as my loving wife, Sweetheart, Honey or my Dear Wife. The reason for this - she is more to me than Glen Dora."

I pause today to think about my parents, I still long for the day when we shall meet again, I miss them more than ever. Even to hear Mom tell me to turn my life around would be a treat, because I would hear her voice and even through the wall build between us I would still feel her love. To see Dad's smile, feel his arms around me, are just a memory away.

I pause today to give thanks for parents who loved me. I Love Mom and Dad.

"Who can say for certain? Maybe you're still here. I Feel you all around me, your memory so clear. I cherish all you gave me everyday...Forever loved, watching me from up above. And i believe that angles breathe, and that love will live on an never leave."

My Little Girl

Since Sunday (13 Sept), when I received an excited phone call from my daughter Brittanny telling me the Kyle just ask her to marry her, I have felt oh so old. Was it not just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms, bathing her watching her take her first steps? I have also felt excited for her, have felt that my blessing which I gave her so many years ago is still honored by Heavenly Father. There are few blessings I remember pronouncing as I held her in my arms arms as others gathered around. One was the ability to make friends, I knew she would moving around a lot, (there's a story behind that) Another is that she would find a Priesthood holder that would take her to the Temple.

And so that day is at hand. I love my little Britt, She has bought me such joy and yet she has also bought me great sorrow - not her personal because she is the best daughter in the world - the sorrow comes from not being there for her. I knew long ago as I held her in my arms in the hospital that my time with her would be short, that the path I was facing would take me away form her and my family. But I also knew I would love her all my life, and I trusted she would always feel my love.

Keeping to my form I always have song for each point in my life, I guess comes from being in the "Theatre" So from Fiddler on the Roof - I bring you Sunrise Sunset.

"Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little girl at play? I don't remember growing older when did she?....Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the days...When did is get be a beauty? Wasn't yesterday she was small? Sunrise, Sunset swiftly fly the years, one season flowing another laden with happiness and tears.." (OK a little campy but....)

I am so happy and excited for her. I felt a peace a month ago when we talked about Kyle and knew he was the one. Just been on pins and needles waiting. I have a Son!!!

I wish wish them all the happiness.

Have you done any good?

Steven and I were returning from Ikea, when we stopped at Publix, our local grocery store to pick up some lunch. As we turned into the parking lot I noticed a 'panhandler', I told Steven we needed to get out of the car a quickly as possible so we could miss her.

Well... no luck. She did not ask for money but if we could buy her and her husband some food to eat. I quickly answered yes and rushed off inside the store. I picked up some chicken fingers from the deli and found Steven and rushed through check out. I found the women and gave them to her. Then quickly started the car and drove off.

As I was driving home a hymn come in my head. I thought how strange I have not sung this hymn in many years, since my youth. It's not a favorite hymn of mine, never the less, the words seemed to have been called forward....

Have you done any good in the world today?
Have you helped anyone in need?
Have you cheered up the sad,
help someone feel gald?
If not you have failed indeed.
When they needed my help was I there?
Then wake up and do something more,
than dream of your mansion above.
Doing good is a pleasure a joy beyond measure.
A blessing, a duty of love.

I am not sure if the words are correct, however the thought was there. I then told Steve we could have done more, bought water, why not a full chicken? I was so much in a rush to get through with my task, that I did not stop and think, "What can I do, to really help." Over the day I kept thinking why was I so much in a rush to help this woman?

Through out my life I have tried to treat people I met with love and be nonjudgmental, to see the good in them. In all I do I try to left people up, to have them feel worth. When I was active in the Church, the two topics I would choose to talk on were always Christ and his love, then just Love - charity the pure love of Christ. When ever I did the spirit was there and would always receive several comments after wards.

I vowed I would not fail next time I would help out of love, not just out of duty. The next day I was provided an opportunity to full fill this promise. I was just putting the gas cap on my car when I was asked if I could spear money so they could get gas in their car. I never carry any money with me, so my first reaction was to say"No sorry I don't have any money with me." However I said "I have no money but I can put ten dollars in the tank for you." So went with them pulled out my ATM card and filled the tank with ten dollars worth of gas. A simple act.

I write not to say how great a person I am but rather to reflect on the many times we might pass a stranger without a word, with out seeing them. Would a warm hello and smile help them on their way? Do we say a quick I love you as we say good bye to our loved ones, just out of habit, or do we really stop look them in the eyes and really mean it when say I love you. Do we discipline out of and with love?

I could go on, however this blog would be way too long. So I ask, Have I helped anyone in the world today? Have I cheered up the sad, have I made someone feel glad? When they needed me was I there?

The Longest Day

Sixty-five years a go today, thousands of men were in small landing crafts in the English Channel off the Normandy coast of France, waiting for the command to commence the invasion of France. Among them were the men of the 65th Armored Filed Artillery Battalion. This group of men were not green to battle, they had cut their 'battle teeth' in the desert of North Africa, honed their skills in Sicily and now they were asked to put all this knowledge to the test.

Among those of the 65th, was a 29 year old man, Sgt. Wilkie Dee Galbraith, my hero, my Dad.

It can not be over stated what happened on June 6, 1944, the largest military invasion in history. For 'Many men went there as soldiers; many men past that way. Many men counted the hours as they lived the Longest Day. Many men did not see the sunset, when the Longest Day ended. Many men where there to stay.'

I feel for reasons unknown to me, that Dad was saved for me so he could be my Dad. My brothers might also agree. Dad wrote: "I have had prayers answered before the wink of the eye, so I know that prayers are answered and that there is a Father in Heaven."

Dad landed on Utah Beach, watched men die in front of him that day. He himself was blown from a half- track, causing him to have whiplash, yet he did his duty to repair tanks so they could get off the beach and into the French Countryside. "I was the only mechanic in the Battalion " wrote Dad "I took my toolbox (which weighed fifty pounds.) in my arms and started for the tank 100 feet away. hearing an incoming shell, I fell flat on my face. I laid there for a moment then I heard it make it's mark. When I arrived at the tank,I found laying at the rear of the tank, Sgt. Herman Strevell, who was in charge of the tank, cut nearly in half, dead. I repaired the tank..."

Dad summed up the war this way "As it has been said, 'War is hell.' At times you can't think back only forward...we acquire a certain trait in the fear of death or in being 'scared to death'."

So today June 6th 2009, I pause to remember my hero, who sixty-five years ago faced his own mortality, went forward in fear, having faith in his Father in Heaven to do his duty as a Solider in the United States Army. To him and to all those who passed that way on the beaches of Normandy may we remember them, may we never forget.

Dad you are my hero, my soldier. you were saved to come home from the war to be my father. No other man on earth would I rather have for a Father than you! I miss you.